Sunday 25 October 2015

Upset? & Halloween!

Hey guys,

So I don't really know what I am going to write about yet, I guess I never do! However I'm just going with the flow..
Sorry in advance!

So college is getting easier. when I first started, I was piled and piled with homework but now I'm finding it a lot easier. You could say I have finally adjusted. I love college. We're all a little family now and I think we are all opening up more to one another. Well. Not really me because I'm the quiet one, and no matter how much I hate it, I probably always will be. Anyway...

In one of my previous blogs I talked about appreciating the little things. Today I went out with my mum (after napping all morning) and on the way home I looked at all the trees. They were all different colours, different shades. All so beautiful. I could literally go on about Autumn being the best ever season, but I have a feeling I did that last week. 

I also have been feeling very down because it's all of a sudden really hit me. My momma is on her way out, not physically but mentally. Obviously I already knew this, but you never realise how much it's going to hurt until it's hits you. And it did. She's going to leave me. I'm going to be a hole in her memory forever until she eventually goes. That's hard to get to grips with as I'm sure people who witness Alzheimer's also understand. But I am making a packed to myself. I'm going to write her a story/poem/letter, something that will hopefully remind her who I am. Even though I'm not a writer and quite frankly can't really write blog posts. Once I have write that I am going to go give t to her and have a nice long chat with her. As Lia reminded me that once they're gone, they're gone. I can't waste my time with her. I am also going to make her a little book of photos, call it a scrap book if you will. And I will see if she wants to look through it every now and then with me. 
Just to make memories and remind her of the ones we already have. 

Anyway, I will probably post earlier next week, the Saturday maybe. It will be my outfit for Halloween which I am super pumped about! I just need to buy some finishing touches and I'm read yo r Halloween:)! 

Anyway that's all for this post. I'm sorry it's short and sweet but what can you do. I love you all! 

Adios amigos!xo 



Sunday 18 October 2015

The best time of year!

Hey guys,

So it's the time of year where I get really excited and happy because of everything happening. Firstly Autumn.. How is that not the best season?! Then there's Halloween, which is just something fun and I love it lots and lots and finally Christmas!! (There's also my birthday but you guys probably don't want to know) 

I know a lot of people hate when people get hyped up about Christmas in October or even November but personally I look forward to it from Boxing Day. I listen to Christmas music in April, plan on things I'm going to get people or even how I'm going to wrap the presents. I'm one of those people. 

I think I prefer the build up to Christmas than the actual day because everyone else is jolly and all the decorations are beautiful. However ofcourse, I still love the big day. 

Anyway this post isn't even meant to be about Christmas but Autumn so moving swiftly on...

The other day at college, we had the task to film 14 shots about an app. But when our group got to the place where we were filming, I was just distracted by all the crispy leaves on the floor. It hadn't been raining (surpringly..) so they were gorgeous and so satisfying when you heard the crunch from under your foot. For the first time I kicked leaves around like I was five and I BLOODY LOVED IT. You may think that it is sad but it was so lovely to do and I recommend it to everyone who wants a little fun every now and then! -obviously I took photos because who wouldn't. 

I love all the colours that are around on Autumn. The Reds, Purples and even the Browns. They all go together and are astonishing. The colours are so warm and just make you want to have them all around your house and feel cosy ready for Christmas (sorry). Every one brings out the big warm coats and jumpers, and it all just makes me very happy to see. I really can't explain it. 
I hope that someone else feels the same otherwise you will think I'm an absolute wierdo! Oh well. 

Here are some pictures that I took last week - they're not great. I love you all, I hope you're all excited for Halloween and Christmas!
Adios amigos!xo 










Sunday 11 October 2015

Update on me!

Hey guys,

So I was about to go to sleep when I started to feel guilty that I had forgotten about writing this week's post. I asked my good friend Lia what I could write about so if this is boring, you can blame her!:) she gave me three subjects to write about so here it goes.

The first was college. So if you didn't know I do creative media at college. And I love my course and my group is really friendly, like a little family. It's lovely. However there is a lot of work to keep on top of and sometimes I think what is the point. On my first assignment I did bits of it over the week like I thought everyone should and by the day before I still had a lot to do. I had to stay up until four in the morning for it to be the best of my abilities. But I don't think I can do that again. Ever since I feel drained and tired all he time. I have constant headaches from looking at a screen all the time... I'm trying to get my sleep back and stay organised but this is kinda new for me! I don't know how people cope.

So the next subject is how I feel about myself. Now this one will probably be depressing so I apologise. I hate my body. Most things about it. I guess I'm just like all the other teenagers. Which is sad to think really. But recently I have felt good about the way I look. I have discovered that my eyes change colour which probably happens to a lot of people but I like it. Naturally my eyes are brown, not hazel just brown. I hated that for so long because I thought it was a boring colour. Unlike blue eyes which are mesmerising! But the other day my mum told me my eyes looked more green. Then the next day she said they were green blended with brown. With mascara I have started to love my eyes. While I hate my body I just look at my eyes in the mirror and feel good about myself. So there's that update. 

The last thing I am going to talk about is how I used to love looking at all the beautiful things in the world around me. I still do, but I have started to just stay in my room and avoid being sociable and talking to people. Call me a typical 16 year old but I like my own company. Yes I get lonely but whatever. I don't mind. Anyway the point is, I feel tired of living like everything is boring and all for nothing. I'm letting my life pass without me realising. So from now on (thanks to Lia) I'm going to appreciate the little things more. Like the sound of the leaves crunching as I walk, the cold mornings as I leave for college. How I love this time of year because of all the colours around me and how I can snuggle and get cosy. Instead of feeling crap about life or myself, I'm going to focus on things around me to make me feel good. 

So that's that. Just a little update on my feelings and how I ought to change for the best. Thankyou Lia. 
Goodnight lovelies!
Adios amigos!xo






Sunday 4 October 2015

Alzheimer's!

Hey guys.

So today I'm going to be talking about alzheimer's. As you could probably tell from the title - good one Katie. Anyway this is probably going to get really deep so be warned..

I think a lot of you will know but for those who don't, Alzheimer's is a disease and is one of the most common type of dementia. 
Unfortunately my momma has it and it's the hardest thing ever. If any of you guys know someone who has it, you will know how difficult it is just to cope. 

Obviously it is extremely hard for the person with the disease, as they get fretful when they don't know someone who is around, they forget recent events and sometimes revist the past. But from personal experience I think it is even harder for the family and friends of the person. 

At the start it wasn't so bad for my momma, no one knew what was happening. She was just another person who forgot why she went in a room. Overtime it just got worse, it was clear she had Alzheimer's. She started to forget what day of the week it was, what she had been doing, she started to repeat the same conversation with you until she felt silly and stopped herself. 
I personally knew she was gone from this point. And even now I am scared to go see her, I'm scared she won't remember who I am. I don't want to be there when she asks, 'who is she again'. Like I'm not there or not even her granddaughter anymore. It scares the hell out of me. 

When someone close to you has Alzheimer's, it is like losing someone twice. My momma is already gone, which is called an ambiguous loss. This is like where someone has mentally gone but physically still here. And then when her time comes I will lose her once again. It's sad, really sad and I'm sorry for anyone else who has been going through the same.

My mum, bless her heart, is so strong. She is her main carer, and for her to see how bad she is getting each and everyday takes some strength. My mum tries to make sure she gets the medication she needs however my momma tries to get away with it if she can, just like a child will try and get away with out eating their vegetables. My mum also does all of her shopping, so now it's either me and my mum or just my mum (when I'm at college) doing her shopping at morrisons, where as it used to be all three of us and we used to shop together on a Friday. I miss the old days, when she was herself. 

Also my momma hardly leaves her bungalow. I don't know whether everyone who gets the disease does this but my momma does. I know she must be comfortable to stay there but surly she gets bored of seeing the same scenery over and over. I know I would. She used to come down on Christmas for the big dinner however she now doesn't. Christmas just isn't the same and I don't think it ever will be again. 

Unfortunately I don't think you can cure Alzheimer's (maybe you can I just don't know - after all I am no doctor). But I hope in the future they find out how to solve it because it hurts a lot of people who witness it and the poor people who get it. 
I'm not sure what else to say and to be honest I have no idea what I just typed out, I just rambled mostly. So appologies. 

Anyway I'm going to leave it at that as it's probably already boring you and it's getting quite late. So I love you all.
Adios amigos!xo